Sunday Humor

30 Signs you live in a Liberal Stake
by Heather M. Laurence

30. Most of the men have long hair; most of the women have short hair.

29. Members frequently use the term, "international church."

28. The singles' ward has better Home/Visiting Teaching statistics than the family wards.

27. The flagpole hasn't been painted since Ezra Taft Benson was prophet.

26. The flag hasn't quite made it up the flagpole since Ezra Taft Benson was prophet.

25. Flag? What flag?

24. No bubble perms on women (or men--see #30).

23. Very few, if any, men are wearing white shirts.

22. Most members of the Bishoprics, High Council, and Stake Presidency sport facial hair in one form or another.

21. The Relief Society President attends PEC. Every week.

20. There are no lawyers or orthodontists in high-profile leadership positions.

19. Primary children are permitted to "drum" when singing "Book of Mormon Stories."
Corollary: Primary children are permitted to shout "Sun-BEAM!"
(You know when.)

18. No "Rush is Right" bumper stickers in the parking lot.

17. No faded "Happiness is Family Home Evening" bumper stickers in the parking lot.

16. No 1970's-era station wagons or vans in the parking lot, with or without the aforementioned bumper stickers.

15. None of these aforementioned station wagons or vans can be found at the neighborhood Costco.

14. The Laurels don't flirt with the missionaries--the Beehives do.

13. No ward picnic on or around July 24.

12. Portraits of past Relief Society presidents are prominently displayed in the foyer--but no apostles.

11. Nobody in a leadership position uses a Franklin Day Planner.

10. The red punch actually tastes good.

9. The Relief Society doesn't own a lace doily tablecloth.

8. The Stake President is quoted in the local liberal rag.

7. During the weekly announcement from the pulpit, the Ward Magazine Rep pushes "Sunstone" and "Dialogue."

6. None of the Young Women wear hair bows, floral print dresses, or lace collars.

5. Ezra Taft Benson is never quoted in any meeting (not even the "Pride" talk).

4. The Relief Society Presidency all wear Birkenstocks to church on Sunday.

3. Multi-whole-grain sacrament bread.

2. The General Handbook of Instructions is supporting the broken leg on the bishop's desk.

1. Members prefer to be called "Mormons" rather than "Latter-day Saints."

Kennedy in Preschool

I had the chance to attend my first parent teacher conference with Kennedy's preschool teachers yesterday. Kennedy's teachers are so much fun. She loves going to school and asks me almost every day if she gets to go to school when she wakes up. Kennedy's teachers were very complimentary of her, saying how nice she is to everyone and is "wise beyond her years". They said she is very conscious of others feelings and of course, very smart! (Eww, I sound like one of those mommy bloggers that brag about their kids all the time. Oh well, those of you who read, know that I rarely blog, so I guess it's okay this time. Plus, those of you who know Kennedy know the truth about our little diva.) Kennedy likes to teach them new songs and recently taught her teachers the "crazy" song that she learned at Bear Lake this year from her Aunt Char. At the conference, one of the teaches mentioned that the "crazy" song is still stuck in her head.

I'm proud of Kennedy and was excited to hear that she is doing well in preschool. I just wish she could show more of that niceness at home when she's playing with Alex!

Here are a couple of pictures of a little car we had to make for Kennedy's preschool so they could go to the "drive-in". Kennedy loved it and was quite upset when I took her "car" so I could do laundry.

Jared decided that it might be too political to put an Obama bumpersticker on the car. (But you know he thought hard about it!)

Five Things on My DVR

The other day Tara was with a group of women from our ward and the topic of favorite shows came up. Apparently the "it" show for the 25-35 age bracket is Grey's Anatomy. When asked what was on Tara' list she didn't really have anything. I would say we don't have many favorite network shows, but here's a look at five "must have" programs on our DVR.

1. FRONTLINE - This PBS news program is one of the best things on TV. Unbiased and informative some of the most provocative content I've ever seen came from this program. My recent favorites included: Growing up Online, Bush's War, and Heat.

2. The Office - This is the only sitcom that will make the list. Micheal Scott is one of the best characters on television and the dry humor found in this show always cracks me up. The Office took me a while to clue into, but now it's a can't miss.

3. 30 Days - From the creator of Super Size Me, this hour long show on FX tackles many of today's most controversial topics. The premise is simple, take someone with a strong believe or opinion and have them spend 30 days living with someone of the opposite viewpoint. I've loved the episodes on Illegal Immigration, Homosexuality, Outsourcing of American Jobs, and Living on the Minimum Wage.

4. 48 Hours - I never seem to watch this show when it originally airs on Saturday nights, but that's what the DVR is made for. I love the stories told on this murder news program. With many twists and turns, you're never really sure who's guilty and who's innocent.

5. The Jazz - Would it really be my DVR if there wasn't any sports?

Mommy - AWOL

Every year I look forward to the Region Volleyball tournament. Tara's gone every night for two weeks and the kids and I get to spend some time together. Even though we're only alone for 4 hours each night, Kennedy and Alex act like they've been abandoned forever.

Mommy?

Where's Mom?

I miss Mommy.

Mommy go?

I really miss Mom.

It goes on and on like this, and Tara's usually only been gone for 30 minutes. Then things start to settle down and we end up having a good time. Ratatouille, popcorn, and being silly on the computer all were parts of tonight's agenda. Maybe I'm not as cools as Tara, but I can still whip up some mean microwaved popcorn.

Diary of a Utah Fan

Biggest Game Ever
The headlines were all over the local papers. Utah vs. TCU was a make or break game for the BCS and the conference. This is the first time that two teams from the Mountain West would both vie for the BCS and a shot at the big time. Everything was set for a monumental show down. There's only one problem: the game isn't on DirecTV. Even though we finally got the Mountain, still have Versus, and ESPN covers Thursday night college football, tonight's game is on CBSCollege Sports. What?! Does that channel even exist? Yes it does, and it's available on my TV - for $12. I pay $50 dollars a month and I can't get the one game of the year in Mountain West football?

I broke down this afternoon and paid the money. For three quarters I wanted my check back. The Utes came out flat and were down 10-0 within the first part of the game. We kicked a couple of field goals, but the offense couldn't get moving and we were down 10-6 with 6 minutes left in the game. I couldn't believe that all the hype was going up in smoke and we didn't even have a TD. TCU came down the turf and tried a field goal with 5:46 in the 4th. Off the upright and we're still alive.

Naturally, we took advantage of our new life with a quick 3 and out. Somehow, TCU was stalled and tried another field goal with under 3 minutes left. Wide right, and we have the ball again. This time we were ready for the challenge. I don't think Brian Johnson is all that great, but at the end of the game - he's been money. The Utes marched down field and scored their lone TD with less than a minute to go. 13-10 Utes and the D sealed the deal. I can't believe that lightning has struck twice this year. Somehow we're still undefeated and in the BCS hunt. It all comes down to BYU and the Holy War.

Tonight was the best $12 I ever spent.