Holiday Tips

Holiday thoughts from Ed (via an email)

Ten Tips for the Holidays:

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rumballs.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me.

Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone.
Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.

This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.

Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Caught Red Handed (Sort of..)

I don't think it's going to take Sherlock Holmes to figure out who's behind the dirty handprint. Hmmmm...

Nowhere to Hide

Sometimes I can't find anywhere to hide in the house. There are times when I need to use the bathroom and just need some privacy. So I sneak to the back bathroom to take care of some business. And yet, anywhere I go, there's Kennedy. After finishing my duty, I opened the bathroom door to hear the small voice of truth.

"Daddy stinky!"

At this point Kennedy proceeded to make several gagging noises as she called to Tara for help. I tried to assure her that it wasn't as bad as she was making it. To which she simply replied...

"Woah, Daddy stinky!!"

Sometimes, there's nowhere to hide.

Special Visitor

For several weeks we've been getting ready for a special visitor at our Stake Conference this weekend. Elder M. Russell Ballard was going to be our visiting General Authority and it isn't every day you get to hear from an Apostle. Yesterday was great, as I was able to attend the Priesthood Leadership Training and the Evening Session of Conference. I love listening to the leaders of the Church when they can share their thoughts and feelings in a smaller setting. I've always found that the Bretheren are very personable and pretty funny. As the Evening Session was winding up Elder Ballard mentioned that the Sunday Session of Conference was going to be very memorable. I can't imagine what could be better than Saturday.

Well, it got better. As we arrived at Conference Sunday morning we were told about another visitor for the session... President Hinckley! It just so happened that he was available to come to our Stake Conference and was up for it today. Wow!! The meeting was fantastic and it was such a wonderful experience to listen to the Prophet. He is amazing and it was so special that he was willing to come and speak to us. Sometimes, I take it for granted that we live in the heart of Salt Lake City, but today I was so glad that the Prophet could simply drop in and wish us well.

Extreme Makeover : Blog Edition

I mentioned a few weeks ago that we were planning on overhauling the blog, so we did. I've been playing around with the new beta version of Blogger and I knew we'd have to make the switch. I don't want to get into the technical reasons for the move, let's just say we had outgrown the old house. So new name, new look, same old stories.